An Odd Moment of Clarity

Today was out of the ordinary, if only because I ended up taking part in the "Returning Students Reading." This was the part where all of us old guys and girls came to the performance space and did a 3 minute reading of our work for everyone to hear, including all the newbie freshmen and otherwise less experienced writers.

I ended up reading an excerpt from my piece "The Debunking", which I threw together last year. It's a story about a drug dealer who runs afoul of a Quantum Physicist who can warp and change objects and situations through a detailed explanation of why they should be the way he thinks they are. I've known plenty of stoners, and I knew of a Flea Market where this kind of story COULD take place, so it came together pretty quickly. Suffice to say, I look at it now and I *know* it needs another draft. That said though, the first two pages are strong work worthy of such a reading.

I got some laughs, we all had a good time, which was the point after all. But there was a moment when the reading ended. Everyone started talking to each other, just like always, and I found that there was this stunning moment of silence on my part.

You see, Most of the people I knew in the department graduated last semester. The ones that remained were a few people I'd met over the years, and a few more that I almost never saw. I didn't belong there, after a moment or so. This was not my party, or my scene, not anymore. I'm pretty good with most groups, but at this exact moment I realized just how many people who I knew before were gone. And after this semester, I'll be gone as well.

It was depressing. Extremely depressing. After all, it's got me thinking about what I'll do after I graduate. My "Writer in the Universe" instructor told me about a Summer thing at a Writer's group...basically, I give them a piece of my work, and an application, and if they think I've got chops they house me and cover my meals for the summer while I work. It's not a bad sounding deal, but I'm going to get better details in the next week or so.

One thing that I know for certain: I'm writing more this semester than I ever have in my life, and I'm wondering which of it might help me after I'm done.